Kendra Salinas. { Philippians 4:6 }

My name is Kendra and I want to share with you a little bit about my testimony. I grew up in a house full of love but at the same time it was emptiness in every room, a lot of anxiety, missing pieces and hearts with many scars. Even though I know that I was a loved child. I remember how strong my character was because I felt alone most of the times, I just kept everything inside and I did not want to talk with anybody about my feelings. As I grew up I was told that my dad left when I was in my mother’s womb. That destroyed me, but nobody knew how I really felt, only God. I saw my dad maybe once or twice a week I remember that every time that I was with him I felt pain in my heart and as a kid I rejected him a lot of times. Later, as a teenager I understood things better but very deep in my heart I knew that I had negative feelings for him for what he did in the past. Even though in my hurt my mom always encouraged me to love him and to forgive him as God had already done with me. 

At the age of 13 I started liking boys and I was impulse by my “friends” to have boyfriends and I started jumping from relationship to relationship. No relationship wasn’t enough for me, because I was unconsciously looking a masculine figure to fill the hole that my father left in my heart. I was already a Christian and serving the Lord, but I had not really let Jesus restored that area in my life. After 4 years of having boyfriends here and there. I had two beautiful relationships that helped me to served the Lord in a better way and that made me feel that that whole Christ will fill it in his time. Although those relationships did not work through I learned from them how to be free from a lot of things and I would never forget what they did for me. When I met Daniel, I was very vulnerable about having a relationship. I was very hurt and sensitive, and I did not want to love or to be in a romantic relationship again. I remember that one of the first times that Daniel and I talked, he told me that he knew that he could not fill any emptiness in my heart that the only one who could do heal and restore every hole in my soul was God.  Daniel told me that God is the only one that know my needs in a perfect and deep way and he created me, thus, he knew me and know me better than anybody else. When he told me that, I knew that I was going to marry him someday. God used him to make understand something very important: JUST GOD CAN MAKE A PERSON HAPPY AND BEAUTIFULLY WHOLE. 

I forgave my father at the age of 17 and through the years our relationship has been better and better, no either close of what I wish because sometimes I still thinking on how my live should be if I have a complete family serving the lord together with a role model father. However, like 1 year ago my dad told me “I love you” for the first time in 22 years. That was the greatest feeling that I felt in my whole life, because that was all that I needed all these years to know that my dad does loves me and that he just did not knew how to show me or tell me that.  Now I get it, nobody is perfect, he is not perfect, he did what he knew, and I understand him now.  

 I have to say that no having a full-time dad made me feel miserable, rejected, insecure, not enough for a man, incomplete, and alone at some point in my life. However, God used this in some way to give me the strength to keep going and fight for a better life, to learn how to forgive, how to be independent and how to manage my emotions in a better way and in a mysterious way to push myself to be a better person. Leaving that aside, I know now that I have a loving and perfect father that knows everything about me and that created me with the purpose to serve and honor him with my life. Now, after all those processes and years of pain 2 weeks ago I am got married to the love of my life (Daniel) and I will continue to serve the Lord with him forever.

El Callao, Venezuela.

-Kendra.

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