October 17, 2017.
At a young age I learned to be heartless & show no emotion. Why??? Growing up I would cry because my feelings were hurt, feeling lost, confuse, alone, dirty & stained all due to the abuses. (Sounds familiar?)
As I grew older I realized that the more I showed no emotion in the presence of others, the more I pushed people away due to my coldness.
Little did they know when I went home,
the abuses haunted me & penetrated my heart like
a sharp knife that would make my soul bleed.
I wanted to trust, I wanted to show emotion, I wanted to stop pushing people away… but I just couldn’t.
You see abuse does that to you, youcan’t trust, even if you try. In lack of understanding others can’t relate. Not because they don’t want to but because they have never experienced it themselves.
I became a human cork in where anyone & everyone would stick a painful pin on me with a label of their choosing.
Not realizing that I had all of those labels on me, the more I became them, even though I fought so hard to not be them… needless to say, I failed for a large portion of my life.
So yes. ME TOO. Time after time. From the age of five years old.
THEN, I met Him.
The healer who took the time to heal me.
I met HIM, the lover who took the time to love me.
I met Him, the caretaker who took care of me.
I met Him, the first man who truly saw me.
He had been there all along, finally I saw Him too.
No longer do I have labels pined to me. He took them all away!
I do have scars from on all the pins that held on to my skin for so many years.
However, Jesus has covered them with grace & love.
(He has washed away my sins.)
Now wearing my heart on my sleeve is the most beautiful thing I could ever do. No more coldness or hardness.
I am free to love, to care, to show emotions/feelings, to speak truth, to speak life to other young girls, ladies & women about the restoration, the healing, the life changing freedom God has given me through His son Jesus Christ.
Life that only comes from God. (If you made it this far, you may now understand me a little better.)
Today, if you can relate to #METOO.
I want to tell you that God can heal you too. Say ME TOO to Jesus!“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”
My prayer is that today you seek God & give Him all of the abuse. Whatever that may look like. Only He can heal you.